Don’t be the person to make someone else cry. Words hurt; I know that much from experience. In fourth and fifth grade, although mainly in fourth, I liked being by myself. Every snacktime, every lunch, I would be sitting alone, reading a book. Because I liked reading and writing, and I didn’t hate school, like a lot of people in my class did, I was called a nerd. I wore black a lot in fourth grade, too. Not for any particular reason; I just liked it. But I got called emo. Since then, I’ve started hanging out with more friends, and people stopped calling me names, around the beginning of sixth grade. But I still remember when I would get called “Thursday” because everyone assumed I was emo like Wednesday Addams.

So now, I believe that people will remember how you treat them.

This belief matters a lot to me, because I have a lot of lived experience. I was teased in elementary school, and I remember a lot of it, which just proves my point of how we remember hurtful things. In fourth grade, I was friends with a girl who really, really wanted to become a K-pop idol. At the time, she was making a group, and she wanted me to audition for this group. When I found her one lunchtime, a few other friends of hers were there, and they were also auditioning. I think I was the last, because nobody else was there when I auditioned. When I finished my song, one of my favorite K-pop songs at the time, she told me something that is still with me today. She said that I “just didn’t have the right look for an idol,” meaning I wasn’t skinny enough to be one. I’ve always been bigger than other girls my age, and up until then, I was never ashamed of it, but since that day, I wore hoodies and baggy clothes, because I was so ashamed of how I looked. I was really sad for a long time.

Even now, almost four years later, I still wear oversized clothes. This is just one example of what a lot of people go through, whether they’re bullied or just had something land the wrong way with them. This idea of kindness is so, so important. Even if you don’t want to be kind or say something nice, even if you want to say something mean, that can follow someone for weeks, or months, or even years. That’s why it is imperative to be kind always, because it’s more than just a moment. It can be someone’s whole world for really long periods of time. One quote I find really influences this is “Tell a girl she’s beautiful- she’ll believe it for a moment. Tell her she is ugly, she’ll remember for a lifetime.” It is an anonymous quote, but it really resonates with me because humans have a negativity bias, which is a psychological term meaning we remember and give more emotional weight to negative events than positive ones.


However, positivity sticks with you, too. My dad is one of the most positive influences in my life, and one thing he says a lot is how proud he is of me. But what I remember him saying was just a few days ago. On my thirteenth birthday, I was playing a game with my parents, and my dad brought up the subject of getting me a real phone with a phone number for my birthday, and I knew that I didn’t want that. So I told him that I didn’t want a phone because I wanted to be a kid for a little longer. And I remember that my dad said that his heart exploded with pride. I remember that so vividly because it just reminds me of how much I love my dad, and how much I want to be like him, because he is one of the brightest lights in my life. Even though sometimes he annoys me because, well, he’s my dad, I still always remember his kindness and love.

You have a choice in this. You can be positive, and have people remember you being kind to them. Or you can be negative, and have people remember you being mean to them. But I hope you choose to be kind to people. The ways that you show kindness can be different. Maybe it’s offering a pen or pencil in class. Maybe it’s lending a jacket. Maybe it’s simply saying good morning to someone. Kindness literally releases neurochemicals that make you feel good, like serotonin, which stabilizes your mood, dopamine, which makes you feel rewarded, and oxytocin, which promotes feelings of trust and love, and reduces stress. Even small acts can give these feelings. You can say things like ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ or hold the door for the person behind you, or you can even just give a genuine compliment. These small acts of kindness can change someone’s whole day.